You NEED help!

This Scorpio Says…

Episode 2: Dating Advice ‘n sh*t

It’s a proven fact that if a person is shitty at relationships, they automatically give the best advice. It’s true; such as the sky being blue, water being wet, or Adam Sandler being consistently un-funny.

Don’t debate me on this.

Now there’s a difference in receiving advice from your painfully single bitter friends, and getting total truth from stranger that has no reason to lie (points to self smugly)

Sure most of what I say can be misconstrued as bitching and complaining but hey, don’t they always say that about chicks with strong opinions?

I’ve made peace with this. Most people who can’t take my genius advice are impotent dorks with a fleshlite on standby, or a broad with a constant dehydrated pussy

Yep, I said it.

A while back I did a series of YouTube videos, giving “bad advice” on relationship crap (Okay, the last one I posted was Jan 2012, judge me)

 

so I decided to start up again, this time in blog form (mostly because I really don’t do shit with my blog except post short stories when the mood strikes)  

I’ve officially decided to put myself in the position to change you forever by advising on how to handle your current dating dilemma.  

So, e-mail me with your relationship questions (ie: woes), dating, sex, whatever, just ask me anything. I’ll answer your questions honestly, and pretend to know what I’m talking about:

E-mail: creativewritings247@gmail.com

Snail Mail: Cre P.O. Box 655 Burlington, NJ 08016

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Iamcreative247

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/creativewritings247

 

WARNING!!! Please be aware my answer is going to appear on my blog, and your question will be slightly edited for time purposes.

But if there are specific things you want omitted (name, age, location, whatever) please let it be known –you’ve been warned!

 

 

 

 

 

 

This Scorpio Says…

This Scorpio Says…

Random observations….from a Scorpio (get it?)

Episode 1: What's Hotter than July right now?

Well, it’s July. Hot Humid, incredibly sticky July. Did I mention it’s only the 7^th? Sheesh! Oh, and let’s not get into how much rain we’ve had in South Jersey! What the hell? Man, my hair is basically screaming at me: “Let me outta this poinytail”!

But no such luck ‘tail, not until the weather gives me a reason to bitch about flyaways again.

Hey Mother Earth, how about a break, eh? It would be nice to let my hair down -literally and figuratively.

But enough about ‘tail and her issues. But shout-out to me for referring to my ponytail as an actual person with its dermis and shit. 

As I ponder July and all its moist glory, I can’t help but think about what has led up to this month in 2013.

A whole ‘lotta shit, that’s for sure

But don’t expect a mid-year countdown from me, hell, I’d bore myself.

So I guess I’ll just tell you about the biggest thing that’s happened for me this year so far. The realization that I’m ready to be in a relationship again. Hand-holding, pet naming, love tapping…the whole bit.

(I actually shuddered as I wrote that)  

Will this actually come into fruition? I don’t know. I mean, I’m a handful, a hand-fucking-full!!!

(This is the time where I should be congratulated for my honesty, we Scorpios know we’re a piece of work.)

So yeah, with the awareness that I’m prepared to take on the title ‘girlfriend’ again, it’s safe to say I’m also ready to be an overbearing, possessive, moody, and unnecessarily jealous –because, well, that’s what I do.

Well that and causing my future-ex to reach for hard liquor in a tall glass.

They say you normally find what you’re looking for when you aren’t looking, if this is true, then I have lots more of non-looking to find….

Did that make sense? It did in my head, so let’s roll with it.   

But besides all that, this year so far has been pretty eventful. In no particular order:

-I met a celebrity

-I had a meltdown at work

-I got dangerously close to writing a Pilot (eh, it may still happen, I’ll keep you posted)

-I quit drinking

-I went on a blind-ish date that obviously didn’t help change my status from ‘single’   but whatever.

So, what do I plan to accomplish in the next 6 months? Here’s my list (I’m being totally honest, by the way)

-I wanna scream “you suck”! to a total stranger

-I wanna get a celebrity to block me on twitter

-I wanna get a book deal –or a T.V. Writing deal, or fuck it, even a Porn-writing deal (see what I did there? hehe)

-I wanna meet a fellow YouTuber (Something I’ve been crying wolf about forever, I admit)

-I wanna get a Corned Beef Sandwich

-I wanna go to Chicago.

Welp, that's all the rambling I have for now, but don't worry, there are MORE This Scorpio Says....Episodes coming because there are things that don't fit on YouTube that I'd like to bitch about.

I hope you can handle it!