You NEED help!

This Scorpio Says…

Episode 2: Dating Advice ‘n sh*t

It’s a proven fact that if a person is shitty at relationships, they automatically give the best advice. It’s true; such as the sky being blue, water being wet, or Adam Sandler being consistently un-funny.

Don’t debate me on this.

Now there’s a difference in receiving advice from your painfully single bitter friends, and getting total truth from stranger that has no reason to lie (points to self smugly)

Sure most of what I say can be misconstrued as bitching and complaining but hey, don’t they always say that about chicks with strong opinions?

I’ve made peace with this. Most people who can’t take my genius advice are impotent dorks with a fleshlite on standby, or a broad with a constant dehydrated pussy

Yep, I said it.

A while back I did a series of YouTube videos, giving “bad advice” on relationship crap (Okay, the last one I posted was Jan 2012, judge me)

 

so I decided to start up again, this time in blog form (mostly because I really don’t do shit with my blog except post short stories when the mood strikes)  

I’ve officially decided to put myself in the position to change you forever by advising on how to handle your current dating dilemma.  

So, e-mail me with your relationship questions (ie: woes), dating, sex, whatever, just ask me anything. I’ll answer your questions honestly, and pretend to know what I’m talking about:

E-mail: creativewritings247@gmail.com

Snail Mail: Cre P.O. Box 655 Burlington, NJ 08016

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Iamcreative247

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/creativewritings247

 

WARNING!!! Please be aware my answer is going to appear on my blog, and your question will be slightly edited for time purposes.

But if there are specific things you want omitted (name, age, location, whatever) please let it be known –you’ve been warned!

 

 

 

 

 

 

This Scorpio Says…

This Scorpio Says…

Random observations….from a Scorpio (get it?)

Episode 1: What's Hotter than July right now?

Well, it’s July. Hot Humid, incredibly sticky July. Did I mention it’s only the 7^th? Sheesh! Oh, and let’s not get into how much rain we’ve had in South Jersey! What the hell? Man, my hair is basically screaming at me: “Let me outta this poinytail”!

But no such luck ‘tail, not until the weather gives me a reason to bitch about flyaways again.

Hey Mother Earth, how about a break, eh? It would be nice to let my hair down -literally and figuratively.

But enough about ‘tail and her issues. But shout-out to me for referring to my ponytail as an actual person with its dermis and shit. 

As I ponder July and all its moist glory, I can’t help but think about what has led up to this month in 2013.

A whole ‘lotta shit, that’s for sure

But don’t expect a mid-year countdown from me, hell, I’d bore myself.

So I guess I’ll just tell you about the biggest thing that’s happened for me this year so far. The realization that I’m ready to be in a relationship again. Hand-holding, pet naming, love tapping…the whole bit.

(I actually shuddered as I wrote that)  

Will this actually come into fruition? I don’t know. I mean, I’m a handful, a hand-fucking-full!!!

(This is the time where I should be congratulated for my honesty, we Scorpios know we’re a piece of work.)

So yeah, with the awareness that I’m prepared to take on the title ‘girlfriend’ again, it’s safe to say I’m also ready to be an overbearing, possessive, moody, and unnecessarily jealous –because, well, that’s what I do.

Well that and causing my future-ex to reach for hard liquor in a tall glass.

They say you normally find what you’re looking for when you aren’t looking, if this is true, then I have lots more of non-looking to find….

Did that make sense? It did in my head, so let’s roll with it.   

But besides all that, this year so far has been pretty eventful. In no particular order:

-I met a celebrity

-I had a meltdown at work

-I got dangerously close to writing a Pilot (eh, it may still happen, I’ll keep you posted)

-I quit drinking

-I went on a blind-ish date that obviously didn’t help change my status from ‘single’   but whatever.

So, what do I plan to accomplish in the next 6 months? Here’s my list (I’m being totally honest, by the way)

-I wanna scream “you suck”! to a total stranger

-I wanna get a celebrity to block me on twitter

-I wanna get a book deal –or a T.V. Writing deal, or fuck it, even a Porn-writing deal (see what I did there? hehe)

-I wanna meet a fellow YouTuber (Something I’ve been crying wolf about forever, I admit)

-I wanna get a Corned Beef Sandwich

-I wanna go to Chicago.

Welp, that's all the rambling I have for now, but don't worry, there are MORE This Scorpio Says....Episodes coming because there are things that don't fit on YouTube that I'd like to bitch about.

I hope you can handle it!

In love with Z

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7 Super-Short Stories in 7 Days: Friday

I was leaving the club when I saw it. Not that I knew exactly what I was looking at immediately, or what was happening -but it happened suddenly.

There were two of them, talking loudly, laughing. I was about to go in the other direction when I realized there was a third person: a woman. They were watching her, following her, I think.

Anyway before I knew it, they grabbed her; pushed her against a car and started smacking her, silencing her screams. I was frozen; I didn’t know what to do. So I just stood there and watched this all go down in front of me.

They shoved her in the backseat, I think I saw a gun or something, I’m not sure. It wasn’t until they got in the car that I felt brave enough to step further. I don’t know what I thought I could do, but I still didn’t try to find help -I needed to see what happened next.

But as I stepped forward, I realized I had made a mistake. Not because I thought I would be recognized, but because I recognized one of them.

I wish I could take it all back now, walked in the opposite direction without a second thought. But I can’t, and I’ll have to live with it forever. How can I tell the Police I saw my brother raping a woman?

7 Super-Short Stories in 7 Days: Thursday

The piercing ring snapped Kourtney out of one of the deepest sleeps a person could hope to have. She glanced at her phone thru slanted eyes, then the alarm clock:

“3am” she grumbled, grabbing the phone “What”?

“Are you sleeping”? The familiar voice asked

“Is that a serious fucking question”? Kourtney barked

The line suddenly went silent.

“What is it?” Kourtney asked gently

“I think…someone might be in your house”.

Kourtney sprang upright, clutching the phone as she wildly looked around the bedroom,

“What are you –“

The gleam of the butcher knife stopped her words short as it deeply plunged into her throat.

7 Super-Short Stories in 7 Days: Wednesday

October 15^th, 1998

Dear Lewis,

By the time you read this, it will be too late for you to do anything about it. I sent all the evidence to your wife, she’ll know. It’s almost funny when I think about it now, how stupid you thought I was. But that’s okay. Maybe it’s a good thing you underestimated me because I’m sure you didn’t see this coming. Maybe if you took the time to love me as I loved you, things would have been different. You could have been honest, but chose not too. Now you have to deal with what’s about to happen.

Oh, and in case you think your wife won’t believe me, trust me, she will. What I sent her cannot be held up for debate, and I’m sure the Police will feel the same way.

All the photos, chatroom conversations, recorded phone calls –documented.

Has your jaw dropped yet? Or are you trying to figure out how a “ditzy blonde” could get over on you?

Maybe if I didn’t pose as one of the 16 year-olds you were “talking to” I would have been as clueless as everyone else.

Burn in hell you sick bastard!

Love,

Sarah

7 Super-Short Stories in 7 Days: Tuesday

The streets were deserted as he pulled the duffel bag behind him. Daley anxiously waited in the window as she eyed him turning the corner; back to their house.

She bit her lower lip tearfully, hoping against hope she wouldn’t see that bag –but she knew she would. He always comes back with a new “package” every Saturday night when Elena works double shift at the Hospital.

It wasn’t always like this, Daley remembered a time when he was the most adoring father any daughter could hope to have. But suddenly he turned into someone she never knew.

He hastily strode up the walkway, to the left of the townhouse where a side door was already propped open for him. Daley shuffled to the kitchen, meeting her father in the doorway:

“This is the last time, right”? She asked with glistened eyes

He stared at the bag distantly, slamming it on the linoleum floor as if snapping out of a daze. Blood instantly crept out of the thick material, while John looked into his daughter’s eyes:

“I…don’t know.”